I'm feeling more detatched then ever. At school I feel kinda like i'm floating, like my feet never touch the floor and my concious mind has no idea where it's going, I just move. I look at people and they never look back. It's not a bad feeling, it's not a sad feeling, it's kinda just blah feeling, but a positive blah. No one I see everyday really sees me. I'm not here. I'm invisible and i've never felt so powerful.

Ahh life life life life.

This "diet" i'm on instead of making me more confident is making me alot alot more self - concience. It's like as soon as I eat something not healthy I have the urge to throw-up and I feel really guilty, so I just over-excersize. Today, even though i've lost 12 pounds I found myself like putting on my big sweatshirt just because I thought when I sat down I looked fat. I never thought I'd be someone who was really self-concious about their weight.  Fuck me :)!

I need to start livin life up. It's flying by and I find myself constantly telling myself "oh i'll be able to live it up when I have a car, i'll be able to live it up when I can live on my own, I'll be able to have fun when I can ride in cars with my friends....reni reni reni" But like all this stuff comes and I make more excuses. It's like i'm making an excuse to not have fun, I hate it. I need to change my perspective on things.